I’ve always struggled with my weight. Looking back, I don’t believe I have ever been that big, a size 14 at my biggest (not including pregnancy) and if I am to be completely honest, I was the most confident I have ever been when I was a teenage size 14.
You see, until I lost weight, I really didn’t know the difference between being a size 8 and a size 14. Now however, I have drummed those digits into my brain and I allow my confidence levels to dip when I just simply can’t fit into my size 10 jeans.
If I am to be honest, I actually believed that I am better received when I am skinnier, but in hindsight, I am just more confident.
Last year I lost 5kgs, I did so by eating healthy, sleeping well, working out (thanks Mini-Masters) and walking regularly with my boys. Come summer however, it all changed. I ate everything and anything (usually the high calorie and sugar variety) and I completely stopped any activity. Those 5kg came back with a vengeance and again I’ve allowed the voices in my head to tell me I am hideously ugly … even though my husband tells me daily that I am more beautiful than the day we met.
It’s amazing how as a generation of women, we allow what we perceive ourselves to look like to take over our lives. I am constantly saying negative things about myself and my weight … and the other day, my sister-in-law yelled at me “SHUT UP! I don’t want to hear it … it’s so annoying!”
Harsh I hear you say … I thought so too at first, but she’s right. I say it to her all the time. She doesn’t see me like I see me, and it frustrates her that I say these things about myself – and what frustrates her most is that I say it in front of my children.
My sister-in-law doesn’t usually snap at me, only a week before she gave me a great pep talk; she said “would you say those mean things to me or any of your other friends if they had put on a little weight?”
And the answer is no. No way! So why do we do it to ourselves. Why do we bully ourselves into believing we are not worthy, we are not beautiful?
The fact of the matter is confidence breeds beauty, and to the people that matter, it’s not about weight or how we look, but how we feel and act – as cliché as this may sound, it’s true.
For example, I’ve always thought my husband is more attracted to me when I’m on the leaner side, but he swears to me that simply is not the case. He said he likes me when I am confident. Looking back it’s entirely true. He is more attracted to me when I am not fussing about my looks or weight. He loves me regardless, it’s just I have it in my head, that he finds me more attractive when I’m skinnier.
Don’t get me wrong; you do need to be healthy, but healthy does not necessarily equate to being a size 8/10. Healthy comes in many sizes and so should confidence.
Exercise can boost confidence, so does eating healthy and getting enough sleep. What builds insecurity is putting an unrealistic expectation on ourselves to be perfect. Defining ourselves by our size and by how we look.
Fact of the matter is, when I am at my skinniest, I am constantly worried about putting on weight, and thus can’t completely relax. However, when I am focused on just being healthy and focus on balance rather than weight-loss, then I am at my happiest and most confident.
My aim for the future is to be content with me. Worry less about the small things and embrace the amazingness that surrounds me everyday. Focus on being fit and healthy for my babies, and get rid of the scales. Remember – you can’t weigh beauty!
I am beautiful. You are beautiful! So lets start believing what our friends, sisters and husbands already know.